I don't.... I don't know what to do

I told her... Her reaction was not as I expected to be. Our friendship seems threatened, now she barely talks to me in spite of I told her that despite my feelings nothing had to change between us. My need of the city is growing and I don't know why as I spent the last year hating it. Honey eyes is starting to talk more normally to me, something has change in her (let's see that when I return to the city). As I was saying, my friendship with the first I mentioned is now almost dead. I'll just keep living till something gets better, I really hope that this year gets better. It looks as life couldn't forgive me for my mistakes, I am the Unforgiven.

SYS JASG

LANDSLIDE!!

THAT'S IT. I'M SICK OF THIS FUCKING SHIT. JUST WHEN EVERYTHING SEEMED TO BE, NOT PERFECT BUT AT LEAST GOOD, ALL WENT DOWN IN THAT SINGLE MOMENT LIKE A LANDSLIDE. MY HEART IS BURNING WITH SICKNESS, ANGER (REALLY I'M IN A FRENZY), AND JEALOUSY. WHAT IS KILLING ME MORE IS THAT I WAS PLANNING TO TELL A FEW PEOPLE TODAY AS I'M WRITING THIS STUPID NOTE, BUT WHEN I SAW THAT, IT WAS LIKE IF A MOUNTAIN WAS BEING PUT ON MY BACK. I NEED, EVEN, TO PUKE FROM THE REVULSION THAT IS FLOWING IN MY VEINS. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. NOW I DON'T CARE WHAT I DO BECAUSE EVERYTHING ENDS BAD FOR ME. I THINK I'D RATHER DIE THAN LIVE IN THIS SHITTY WORLD JUST A SINGLE FUCKING DAY.

Betrayer

Today I experimented one the worst feelings. I must confess that I don't feel completely sorry. However, I did betray a true friend by not trusting in him with a secret that included both of us. Although he told me he doesn't care at all, I can't stop feeling guilty. I'm returning to my old me, the one of my true friends doesn't know a thing and I'm absolutely terrified of this. I'm starting to hide things to confess others to people. I must ask really soon for help to a few people I trust the most before the change becomes unchangeable.

Crossed Feelings

Recently I've experienced some feelings for her. I don't know why is it. Maybe is my need for affection that I've developed. The thing that is most hurtful is that almost anybody within my group of friends seems to understand me, not even a little bit and I don't have the least idea of how to explain. The girl with eyes like honey is putting away her feelings for me, I'm not sure what I should think of this as during the year I liked her as I've never liked anyone. However the other keeps apearing in my dreams over and over again and is driving my crazy just cause she's kind of forbidden to me and I know it's wrong. Problems seem to acumulate on my back and nothing moves them. These crossed feelings are going to take me down. The fear of losing her for a long time is already freaking me out and I'm not able to handle it.